I invite you to take a moment to look outside and find a few trees in different autumn colors. If you can’t find any outside your window right now, see if you can visualize a beautiful fall scene filled with colorful trees in all their variety.
Take a moment to notice each tree’s differences: their heights, whether they’re seedlings or tall and sturdy, the width of their trunks, and the varying lengths of their branches. Take in the unique colors—fiery reds, golden yellows, warm browns—and the way leaf sizes vary from one tree to the next.
Try not to judge which tree is “better” or “worse.” Simply notice these differences. See if you can find gratitude for each tree, with its distinct color and shape, and how it contributes to a beautiful diversity that’s only possible through their differences.
The Power of Description vs. Judgment
Reflecting on nature’s diversity can provide a gentle way to consider our relationships with other people—especially those whose political views differ from our own.
When I worked in a residential treatment center for disordered eating, we often led a group on the concept of “description vs. judgment.” We’d ask participants to look at a flower and describe it simply, noticing its shapes, colors, and textures. Then, we’d invite them to apply this same descriptive approach to how they spoke to and thought about their bodies. This shift was easier said than done; many participants struggled to use the same non-judgmental language toward their own bodies, often defaulting to judgment. Their minds were conditioned to judge any perceived difference or flaw, highlighting just how deeply we tend to judge what is unfamiliar or different—even within ourselves.
Understanding the Role of Judgment
Judgment, of course, has its place. It’s a quick-thinking tool that sometimes helps us make essential decisions on the spot. For instance, if a car is slowing down and we don’t see brake lights, we might quickly judge that it’s coming to a stop, allowing us to react and stay safe. However, judgment can easily become a habit that extends beyond necessary situations, narrowing our view and distancing us from others. A quick judgment in traffic, for instance, could spiral into frustration or anger, making us feel as if other drivers are purposely out to delay us or cut us off.
In times of tension—whether in traffic or during election season—it’s easy to gravitate toward judgment. Judgment often becomes an automatic response when we feel discomfort, conflict, or a sense of threat. But what if, just as with the trees, we shifted to describing rather than judging those with whom we disagree? It may feel different, but the result could bring a bit more harmony.
Applying Description vs. Judgment to Political Views
So, how can we bring this descriptive mindset to our views on political issues or people with opposing opinions? Instead of jumping straight to judgment, we can start by recognizing our initial thoughts and reframing them into more neutral descriptions. Here are some common judgmental thoughts alongside their descriptive alternatives:
- Judgmental Thought: “They’re just misinformed and don’t care about the facts.”
Descriptive Alternative: “They have a different view from me, and it can be hard to sit with someone who has such different news sources than I do, as we seem to be getting lots of differing information.” - Judgmental Thought: “People who think that way are out of touch with reality.”
Descriptive Alternative: “There are a lot of viewpoints right now, and it can feel overwhelming to navigate them. I know we are all trying our best with the information we have.” - Judgmental Thought: “How can anyone believe that? They must not have thought it through.”
Descriptive Alternative: “It can be difficult to talk with someone whose views differ from mine, but they are just another person with unique life experiences that are different from mine. They probably have their reasons for feeling so strongly, just as I have my own reasons for my beliefs. We do not have to agree.” - Judgmental Thought: “That person knew they were voting for things I stand against and disagree with. It must mean they don’t respect me.”
- Descriptive Alternative: “Wow, I feel really hurt by the way this person voted. It feels like they supported something I deeply disagree with. It’s hard to express how much this hurts me, as I feel like they wouldn’t understand.”
By recognizing our judgmental thoughts and consciously reframing them into descriptive statements, we create space for curiosity and understanding. This shift allows us to engage with differing perspectives without categorizing them as “right” or “wrong,” opening the door to meaningful dialogue and fostering connections instead of division.
Introduction to Loving-Kindness and Choice
As we explore the practice of Loving-Kindness meditation, it’s important to remember that this is a deeply personal journey, and you are in control every step of the way. This practice is designed to cultivate compassion for ourselves and others, but it’s okay to stop whenever you feel you need to.
If the idea of sending love or kindness to someone you strongly disagree with feels overwhelming—or even wrong—that’s completely valid. You might find that practicing the first few steps of this meditation is where you need to stay for now. That’s perfectly okay.
The goal is not to force yourself into a space you’re not ready for but to approach the practice with authenticity and care. Over time, you may feel ready to extend compassion further, or you may not. Both choices are valid, and either way, the act of engaging in even the first steps of this practice can create more space for peace within yourself.
As we move through the steps, honor your feelings and take this at your own pace. Let’s begin.
- Find a Comfortable Position
Begin by finding a comfortable place to sit. Take a deep breath in and exhale slowly. - Start with Yourself
Focus on yourself. Take another deep breath and silently say to yourself, “May I be safe, may I be happy, may I be healthy, may I live with ease.” - Move to Someone Close
Picture a family member or friend and direct your thoughts toward them. Repeat: “May you be safe, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you live with ease.” - Think of an Acquaintance
Now, think of someone you know casually, like the cashier at your grocery store or a neighbor you see occasionally. Silently offer them the same wishes: “May you be safe, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you live with ease.” - Extend Kindness to Someone with Whom You Have Tension
If you’re ready to continue, bring to mind someone whose views or actions you disagree with—someone whose beliefs may even feel hurtful to you. As you focus on this person, consider offering compassion in a way that protects your own well-being. For example, you might think: “I may not agree with them, and I feel hurt by their words or actions. But I can send compassion to this situation, so that the negativity does not spread from here and so that the negativity no longer takes up space in my own body. If you feel safe and ready, you might also gently extend these words:
“May you be safe, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you live with ease.”
A Final Reflection
As you complete this meditation, take a moment to notice how you feel. Were you able to take each step, including extending kindness or compassion to someone with whom you feel tension? If so, how did that feel? Did it shift anything in your mind or body?
If you paused or stopped before the final step, that’s okay too. Reflect on where you chose to stop and what that experience was like for you. Even practicing the earlier steps—offering kindness to yourself, a loved one, or an acquaintance—can have a profound impact.
Now, bring your attention to your body. What does compassion feel like in this moment? Does it create a sense of softness, ease, or maybe something unexpected? Did extending kindness—even just a little—open up space for calm or connection within you?
This practice is not about perfection or reaching every step; it’s about cultivating awareness and exploring what compassion feels like for you. Wherever you ended, honor the effort you made to engage with this meditation. You’ve already taken a meaningful step toward greater understanding and kindness, both for yourself and others.
