The chaotic energy of the holidays can be difficult to navigate for anyone, but these challenges can feel even more daunting for those managing neurodivergence or heightened anxious responses.
This article explores why the holidays can feel overwhelming for both neurodivergent and anxious minds. We’ll highlight how these challenges manifest and offer practical strategies, rooted in preparation, self-compassion, and grounding, to help you navigate the season with greater ease and resilience.
Why the Holidays Can Feel Overwhelming to Some
For most people, routines provide structure and predictability, helping us stay organized and focused. Disrupted routines during the holidays—caused by travel, gatherings, or fluctuating schedules—can make it feel like the ground has shifted beneath us.
For those with ADHD, routines are often a critical tool for managing executive functioning challenges, such as decision-making and task prioritization. When routines are disrupted, decision-making can feel exponentially harder. Similarly, individuals with anxiety may rely on predictable structures to maintain a sense of control. When these structures are disrupted, it can heighten feelings of uncertainty and fear, leading to spiraling thoughts and overwhelm.
For some neurodivergent individuals, particularly those with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), holiday pressures can present unique challenges. PDA can intensify the need to resist both external and internal demands, making participation in activities or decision-making feel especially overwhelming. Recognizing and respecting these experiences can help foster understanding and reduce stress, both for the individual and their loved ones.
Decision Fatigue
Even without neurodivergence or anxiety, many of us experience what’s known as “decision fatigue.” This occurs when we’re faced with an overwhelming number of choices in a short time, leading to feelings of mental exhaustion and frustration. Add in the pressures of holiday expectations, and the stress can feel unmanageable.
For those managing ADHD or anxiety, decision fatigue can compound these challenges. ADHD may bring a constant cognitive load, where even small decisions feel monumental, while anxiety can make decision-making feel fraught with worry about outcomes or pleasing others. This layered fatigue is one of the reasons why the holidays can feel especially challenging for neurodivergent and anxious individuals.
The Role of Memory and Anticipation
Memory plays a significant role in holiday stress. Past experiences—whether joyful, chaotic, or overwhelming—often shape how we anticipate future gatherings. For example, if you’ve previously found large family dinners exhausting or overstimulating, your body may instinctively brace for a similar experience this year.
For anxious individuals, this anticipatory stress can manifest as excessive worry or rumination about potential challenges, while neurodivergent individuals may struggle with heightened sensory sensitivity or dread of unpredictability. This connection between memory and anticipation can create a feedback loop of anxiety and overwhelm, making it harder to focus on the present moment.
Recognizing how past experiences influence your current expectations can help you approach the holidays with more self-awareness and compassion.
Strategies for Grounding and Managing Demands
- Preparation is Key: Planning ahead can significantly reduce holiday stress. Visualizing the flow of the day or specific events can help create a mental roadmap. For instance, imagine yourself confidently navigating a busy dinner or finding a quiet moment to recharge. This mental rehearsal primes you for success and reduces the stress of unpredictability. Pair visualization with creating a flexible plan—such as deciding in advance which events you’ll prioritize or when to take breaks—to reduce decision-making on the spot.
- Communicate Your Needs: Advocating for yourself includes clearly communicating your needs to others. Whether it’s requesting shorter gatherings, scheduling breaks, or carving out personal quiet time, sharing these needs with family or friends can foster understanding and reduce miscommunication. For anxious minds, this could include expressing preferences for quieter settings or letting loved ones know that you may need a moment to step away if things feel overwhelming.
- Plan to Refill Your Bucket: The holidays can quickly drain your mental and sensory reserves, so it’s essential to plan ways to refill your bucket. Consider what activities help you recharge—whether it’s a morning walk, a quiet afternoon, or reading a book before bed—and build those into your day. Identifying your sensory and emotional needs in advance allows you to proactively meet them, ensuring you’re better equipped to handle the demands of the season.
- Address Decision Fatigue: To minimize decision fatigue, try to make as many decisions ahead of time as possible, especially when others aren’t around to add pressure. For example, decide on your outfit, meal contributions, or schedule the night before. If decisions must be made in the moment, don’t hesitate to ask others to pause, allowing yourself time to process and respond thoughtfully. It’s okay to say, “Let me think about this for a second,” or “Can we revisit this after a quick break?” Taking these moments can help ease the cognitive load.
- Use Anchor Points: Grounding exercises can help you stay present during stressful moments. Examples include deep breathing techniques, carrying sensory tools (like a calming texture or scent), or repeating a soothing mantra such as, “I am steady and calm in this moment.” These tools are particularly helpful for neurodivergent and anxious individuals who may find it harder to self-regulate under stress, but they are beneficial for everyone.
- Pace Yourself: Breaking the day into smaller, manageable segments can help prevent burnout. For example, plan short breaks between events, or set limits on how long you’ll stay at a gathering. Checking in with yourself throughout the day can help you adjust plans as needed to conserve energy and maintain focus.
- Plan Recovery Time: Holiday gatherings can be as exhausting as they are joyful. Schedule downtime afterward to recharge—whether that’s relaxing with a book, taking a walk, or simply resting. Building in recovery time is essential for neurodivergent individuals, whose sensory systems may require longer to reset after overstimulation, and for anxious individuals, who may need time to calm heightened nervous system responses.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Self-compassion is one of the most powerful tools during the holidays. Kristin Neff’s framework highlights three components that can be especially helpful:
- Mindfulness/Awareness: Notice your feelings without judgment. If you feel overwhelmed, remind yourself that it’s a natural response to heightened demands, not a personal failing.
- Kindness: Speak to yourself with the same gentleness you’d offer a friend. Replace critical thoughts with affirmations like, “It’s okay to feel this way. I’m doing my best.”
- Common Humanity: Remember that holiday stress is a shared experience. Recognizing that others face similar challenges can help create a sense of connection and reduce feelings of isolation.
Finding Balance in the Holiday Chaos
The holiday season brings a unique blend of connection, joy, and stress. While these challenges may be amplified for neurodivergent and anxious individuals, they are not exclusive to any one group. By understanding the factors that contribute to holiday overwhelm and using strategies like preparation, self-compassion, and grounding, we can all approach the season with greater balance and ease.
Whether you’re managing ADHD, anxiety, or simply the natural stress of the season, remember to honor your needs and celebrate the steps you take toward resilience. With a little planning and kindness toward yourself, the holidays can become an opportunity for meaningful connection and growth.
