You’ve probably heard it before:
“Make sure you’re practicing self-care!”
Maybe it came from your therapist, your best friend, or a well-meaning Instagram post beside a bubble bath photo. And maybe your internal response was something like:
“When, exactly? Before or after someone needs a snack, a ride, or help with a meltdown?”
When you’re a parent—especially the primary mental load parent—traditional self-care can feel laughably out of reach. You’re not resisting care. You’re maxed out.
The Problem Isn’t You—It’s the Expectation
We live in a culture that treats self-care like a lifestyle brand or a luxury. But for many caregivers, even a full night of sleep or an uninterrupted shower feels like a miracle.
So when you hear about self-care and feel a pang of guilt or irritation, that’s not failure. That’s your nervous system recognizing that the idea doesn’t match your reality.
Dr. Becky Kennedy often talks about the importance of internal regulation—how our ability to stay grounded in ourselves is what supports our children emotionally. But when your bandwidth is gone and the noise never stops, it’s hard to access that grounded version of yourself.
The good news? You don’t need perfect conditions to start finding moments of regulation.
What Regulation Actually Looks Like in Real Life
Regulation isn’t about bubble baths and spa days. It’s about supporting your nervous system so it doesn’t stay stuck in survival mode. And it can start with the smallest moments:
- Placing your hand on your heart and taking one slow breath
- Noticing the ground beneath your feet while you load the dishwasher
- Putting a name to what you’re feeling (“This is frustration. This is exhaustion.”)
- Letting yourself cry for 30 seconds in the bathroom instead of holding it in
- Saying “I’m at capacity” out loud—even if it’s just to yourself
These are not acts of luxury. These are acts of reconnection.
You Deserve More Than Survival Mode
In their book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, Emily and Amelia Nagoski explain that the stress we feel is like a tunnel—and we have to move through it to complete the cycle. If we stay stuck mid-tunnel, our bodies keep the stress chemistry activated.
Regulation helps us move through. Not by avoiding the stress, but by supporting our bodies in it.
You don’t need a week off or a quiet house to begin. You need one permission slip—to stop pretending you’re fine and start tending to what’s real.
What If Support Actually Fit Into Your Life?
At Healing Roots Wellness Center, we don’t offer one-size-fits-all self-care solutions. We offer therapy that meets you in the middle of the mess.
We work with parents who are overstimulated, burned out, overstretched, and still showing up with love. We teach regulation tools that work when someone’s crying in the other room—or when you finally get five quiet minutes to yourself and don’t even know how to use them.
Support doesn’t have to be another thing on your list. It can be the thing that makes the rest of the list easier to carry.
You’re not failing. You’re just doing a hard thing without enough support.
Let’s change that.
