Is it wrong for your partner to ask you, “Are you getting ready to start your period or something?” Well, depending on the tone—and maybe using a different phrase—what if I told you it could actually help your relationship for your partner to know where you are at in your cycle? Understanding and communicating about your menstrual cycle can strengthen your relationship and provide a deeper sense of connection and empathy.
Many women (or assigned females at birth) aren’t taught to recognize or honor the nuances of their cycle, let alone testosterone-driven people/men. By learning to track your cycle and sharing what you’re discovering, you can create a foundation for understanding and support in your relationship.
Here are a few ideas on how to approach this topic in a way that feels empowering to you and honors the natural rhythms of your month.
1. Start by Understanding Your Own Cycle
The first step in communicating about your cycle is to understand it yourself. Use a tracker app or journal to monitor your eating habits, sleeping patterns, mood, energy levels, sex drive, and more. Tracking these details helps you identify patterns and recognize how your hormones affect your body and emotions. If you’d like to learn more about the specific phases of your cycle, check out our other blogs for a deeper dive into this topic at https://healingrootswellnesscenter.com/understanding-womens-hormones-how-they-shape-mood-and-emotional-health/.
2. Share What You’ve Learned with Your Partner
Once you’ve tracked your cycle for a while, begin sharing what you’ve learned with your partner. Use concrete examples and visual aids, such as a hormone cycle chart, calendar or apps to help them understand your experiences. Many apps, like Clue and Flo, allow you to share cycle updates directly with your partner, taking the guesswork out of the equation.
For example, you might say:
- “This chart shows how my energy and mood shift throughout the month. It helps me plan the best times for rest or activity. I’d love to share this with you so we’re on the same page.”
- “During the luteal phase, I tend to feel more tired and sensitive. Knowing this helps me give myself grace, and I’d love your support too.”
3. Provide Concrete Ways Your Partner Can Support You
Partners often want to help but may not know how. By giving them specific suggestions, you empower them to support you in meaningful ways. Here are some ideas:
- During Your Menstrual Phase: Encourage your partner to plan quiet nights in or take over chores so you can rest.
- During Your Follicular Phase: Plan activities together, like a hike or a date night, while your energy is higher.
- During Your Ovulation Phase: If your sex drive is higher, let your partner know and plan intimate time together.
- Be sure to plan accordingly for your desired birth control at this time, because this is also the time where you may have higher chances of ovulation.
- During Your Luteal Phase: Suggest ways they can help reduce stress, like meal prep or running errands.
4. Use Empowering Language
When talking to your partner about your cycle, frame it in a way that fosters understanding and connection. Here are some examples:
- “I’m at a difficult time of the month, and my body feels aggravated by everything, not necessarily you. But I know it may come across that way. I appreciate your patience.”
- “I feel energized right now. This might be a good time for us to work on that house project since I know next week I might not feel up to it.”
- “At the end of my cycle, I really like to rest. I know you’re more active, and that’s okay! How about we plan a relaxing movie night this week and go out together next week when I’ll have more energy?”
5. Address Common Pitfalls
Partners who don’t menstruate may struggle to grasp the concept of hormonal fluctuations. Avoiding triggering language is crucial. Instead, shift the focus to collaboration and curiosity:
- Instead of: “Are you PMSing?”
- Try instead something like this: “I noticed you seem different today. I’m picking up that you might feel stressed. Is that correct? If so, what can I do to help?” or “Hey, the app sent me a notification that you may start your period soon. It says you might feel bloated. I know last time your heating pad was helpful, so I’ve got it ready for you.”
- Instead of: “Gosh, you’re moody today. Are you about to start your period?”
- Try instead something like this: “I noticed you seem a bit off. Is something on your mind, or is there a way I can make things easier for you today?” or “Your tracker sent me a notice that you might feel more agitated today. How can I support you right now?”
6. Use Technology to Bridge the Gap
Many cycle tracking apps allow you to share your information with your partner, sending them notifications about your current phase and potential symptoms. This takes the pressure off you to provide constant updates and makes cycle tracking a team effort.
7. Communicate Early in the Relationship
If you’re dating someone new, you can still introduce this concept in a way that feels natural. For example:
- “I’ve learned that during the end of my cycle, I’m more hungry and I’m so hungry right now.. Want to go try that new restaurant you wanted to try?”
- “I’m not in the mood right now, but my tracker shows I’ll likely feel more up for it next week. How about we plan a date night then?”
8. Remember: This is a Learning Process
Both you and your partner are learning. Be patient with yourself and with them. Many partners may not have had any education about menstrual cycles and hormonal changes. By sharing this information and working together, you’re fostering a deeper connection and creating space for mutual support.
Final Thoughts
Communicating about your menstrual cycle is not only empowering for you but also helps build understanding and empathy in your relationship. By tracking your cycle, sharing what you learn, and offering concrete ways your partner can support you, you’re creating a collaborative dynamic where both partners feel seen and supported. Remember, this process takes time and practice, but the rewards of mutual understanding and respect are well worth it.
